Yes, they may have delicious gourmet chocolate and a rather daring attitude to eating fries laden with mayonnaise. Sure, they have great comic books and 1,100 varieties of beer, and tasty mussels, and waffles, and the European parliament and one of literature's greatest detectives. And alright, we may currently be commemorating the hundredth anniversary of a horrific war that was largely fought on their territory and evoked the sympathies of the world.
But put all that aside right now. Concentrate on the fact that they are Team USA's opponents in the World Cup knockout game at 4pm ET Tuesday. For the next 24 hours, America, it's okay to hate Belgium.
Admittedly, it's going to be hard to hate this lovable bike-riding team, especially when they seem to be doing their best to look so darned cute on Instagram. Here's winger Dries Martens posing for a selfie with, of all people, the King of Belgium, and calling it a "kingselfie". (But hey, they're a monarchy! Who doesn't hate monarchies?)
And here's captain Vincent Kompany trying to worm his way into our affections â€" not only by having an adorable name, but by auctioning his shirt off for charity:
Forget that. Think only of the fact that Belgium is the only thing that stands between Team USA and a quarter-final place against Argentina or Switzerland (who also make good chocolate, so there goes your advantage, Belgium).
Consider also that Belgium has beaten the US on four of their previous five meetings â€" most recently a May 2013 friendly which Belgium won 4-2, despite Clint Dempsey scoring a penalty. Also, the Belgian team's nickname is the Red Devils. Not only are devils evil, but they also appear to have stolen that title from those other, better-known Red Devils, Manchester United.
Seriously, though, Belgium are not to be underestimated. They're ranked 11th in the world according to FIFA, and although FIFA rankings are often something of a joke â€" they still have Spain ranked number 1 â€" in this case, they appear to underestimate the side. Belgium waltzed through the group stage, defeating South Korea, Russia and Algeria without breaking much of a sweat. (Admittedly, they didn't score as much as they could have done either.)
And as much as they look like butter won't melt in their mouths, the Belgian side aren't adverse to hacking down a player or two. Midfielder Steven Defour will miss the USA game after being red-carded for a two-foot challenge in the Algeria game.
Marouane Fellaini, one of the tallest players in the tournament at 6 feet 4 inches, and one of the most recognizable with his comically large afro and eyebrows, has also picked up a red card or two in his time in the English Premiere League â€" so many, in fact, that he was called into a meeting with England's chief referee and avoided suspension by vowing to change his ways. Years later, he picked up a three-match ban for headbutting another player.
This guy may look like a cuddly, slimmer version of Andre the Giant, but don't be fooled.
Fellaini puts the Vulcan grip on Kim Young-Gwon of South Korea on June 26.
Image: Matthew Lewis, Getty Images Sport
But the worst thing about the Belgians? The way they resolutely refuse to get angry at the U.S. We send provocative tweets about Belgian waffles; Dries Martens talks about how he has been pleasantly "surprised" by the U.S. team.
And then midfielder Eden Hazard goes and does something like this for one of Belgium's oldest superfans, making it even harder to hate them:
We know your game, Belgium, trying to win the sympathies of the world. We know your game, and it comes to an end Tuesday afternoon. Prepare for tears made of the purest, tastiest chocolate.
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