Maybe you just. Can't. Get. Into. Soccer. Maybe 20-odd guys kicking a ball around a large expanse of grass in hopes of nudging that ball over a painted white line once or twice doesn't do it for you. Maybe you'll never give two figs about the technical brilliance of Lionel Messi or savant-like vision of Andrea Pirlo.
That's fine â€" but it doesn't mean you can't enjoy this summer's World Cup.
The world's biggest sporting event has enough subplots and storylines â€" players gunning for immortality, teams looking to stake a claim to history, fans and players seeking escape from unspeakable tragedy â€" to interest even the most casual observer.
Here are seven of the most fascinating storylines heading into the 2014 World Cup, which kicks off on June 12. Who knows â€" they might just be enough to get that special someone to sit through another early morning, 0-0 draw with you at the local sports bar.
1. Ecuador fights on after star's stunning death
Relatives mourn in front of the coffin containing the remains of soccer star Christian Benitez during a funeral service in the Ruminahui Coliseum in Quito, Ecuador, Friday, Aug. 2, 2013.
Image: Dolores Ochoa/Associated Press
Christian Benitez suited up in Ecuador's blue, yellow and red 58 times for international matches, scoring 24 goals in the process. He found the net four times during Ecuador's 2014 World Cup qualifying campaign, and the striker was long seen as a key to anything La Tri might accomplish this summer in Brazil.
Then in July 2013 â€" at just 27 years old and in the prime of his career â€" Benitez died of cardiac arrest following a match for his Qatari professional club.
But Benitez wasn't just a star on the pitch. He was the son of a former Ecuador national team player and married the daughter of another former star, making him a central part of the small country's sporting fabric.
"A player of Cristian's characteristics, both for his human qualities and footballing skills is practically irreplaceable," Ecuador coach Reinaldo Rueda said in January.
A surprise run by Ecuador without its fallen star would instantly become one of this World Cup's most poignant stories.
2. A demigod guns for immortality â€" and, finally, his country's adoration
If you like your sports writ large, then get used to following Lionel Messi and Argentina ASAP. Messi, as evidenced in the highlight mix above, is generally regarded as the greatest player of his generation â€" and arguably the greatest player of all time. Many hardcore soccer fans think he needs just one thing to surpass Brazilian legend Pelé in the annals of soccer history: a World Cup title.
But therein lies the rub. As transcendent as Messi's club career has been for FC Barcelona, his international career for Argentina has been comparatively pedestrian. Messi scored just one goal at the 2010 World Cup, for example, as Argentina was unceremoniously dismissed 4-0 by Germany in the quarterfinals.
Further complicating matters, however, is the fact that Messi and his father moved from Argentina to Spain when the star was just a young man signed by Barcelona. That, coupled with his relatively unexceptional international career, is a source of major frustration for Argentine soccer fans.
So a World Cup trophy in Brazil this summer wouldn't just elevate Messi to the top of the soccer pantheon â€" it would relieve long-standing animosity from his own countrymen as well.
3. Amid controversy and chaos, Brazil seeks history at home
This aerial view shot through an airplane window shows the Maracana stadium behind the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, on May 13, 2014.
Image: Felipe Dana/Associated Press
With mass protests, threatened police strikes and biting social commentary over costs and priorities, the World Cup stakes are high for Brazil off the pitch. But they're high on the pitch, too, where Brazil will seek to win a record sixth World Cup title on its own home soil.
Anything less will be seen by many Brazilian soccer fans as a massive failure and disappointment. Winning it all at home, meanwhile, will elevate Neymar and his teammates to lifelong hero status among many soccer fans at home.
So, as the real world swirls on around them, will this Brazilian team rise to the occasion? Or will it crack it under pressure? One thing we know: The Seleção's journey will be relentlessly scrutinized every step of the way.
4. After violent past, Bosnia and Herzegovina reaches first World Cup
Bosnia and Herzegovina's players celebrate a victory over Liechtenstein during their World Cup 2014 Group G qualifying soccer match at Stadium Bilino Polje in Zenica, on Friday, Oct. 11, 2013.
Image: Amel Emric/Associated Press
Just two decades ago, Bosnia and Herzegovina emerged from a long, brutal and bloody period of conflict to fully realize its independence from Yugoslavia. Now, largely featuring players who were small children during the Bosnian War, the country makes its first-ever World Cup appearance this summer in Brazil.
But for players and fans alike, the past still resonates. Making a World Cup is some ways an important marker for Bosnia and Herzegovina, yet its path to this point is still a source of tension, sadness and inspiration. The intersection of soccer and the country's violent political history underscores how sports pale in comparison to world events â€" but also the important role they can play in the bigger human experience of tragedy, healing and identity.
ESPN and Sports Illustrated each recently ran long features exploring the Bosnia and Herzegovina national team's backstory. After reading both excellent features, it's hard not to find a soft spot for this first-time team from a war-torn land.
5. England, Italy or Uruguay: Whose heart will break?
England coach Roy Hodgson, left speaks with Wayne Rooney during a session ahead of their World Cup 2014 qualifying group H soccer match between England and Montenegro in Podgorica, Montenegro, Monday, March 25, 2013.
Image: Darko Vojinovic/Associated Press
Group G may be be tougher top-to-bottom, but it's Group D that features the World Cup's most fearsome threesome in Italy, Uruguay and England (the group's fourth team, Costa Rica, is no slouch but lacks its opponents' history and pedigree). Each is a tremendously proud and passionate soccer country, and the trio together represents three of only eight nations to have ever won a World Cup title.
But rules are rules and the math is simple: Only two teams from Group D can move on to the knockout stage, meaning someone's hearts will break early. The only question: Will those broken hearts be English, Italian or Uruguayan?
6. France looks to rebound from 2010 train-wreck
Franck Ribery of the French soccer team controls the ball during a World Cup qualifying playoff second-leg soccer match France against Ukraine at Stade de France stadium in Saint Denis, outside Paris, Tuesday, Nov. 19, 2013.
Image: Michel Euler/Associated Press
French soccer, the stereotype goes, is a drama factory in which soap operas all too often overshadow â€" and even sabotage â€" on-the-pitch goals.
Never did that stereotype ring more true than at the 2010 World Cup, where Les Bleus underwent a meltdown of truly epic proportions. First, an underage prostitution scandal exploded in controversy two months before the tournament. Then, in South Africa, one of the team's stars was kicked off the squad. Several other players retaliated by refusing to practice in the middle of the group stage. It all added up to a massive failure â€" the team didn't win a single game in the the group stage and was sent packing early.
Can this French squad redeem the troubles of 2010? Led by superstar Franck Ribéry and precocious youngster Paul Pogba, the talent is certainly there to make a run. But drama still lurks, too; manager Didier Deschamps and the French Football Federation said earlier this month that they plan to sue the girlfriend of star Samir Nasri after she went on an expletive-laden Twitter tirade when Nasri was left off the World Cup team.
7. Jurgen Klinsmann: Fearless leader or rash decision-maker?
United States soccer coach Jurgen Klinsmann speaks at a news conference for the World Cup soccer tournament in Stanford, Calif., Friday, May 23, 2014.
Image: Jeff Chiu/Associated Press
Jurgen Klinsmann does things his way. The USA manager, who won a World Cup title as a player with West Germany in 1990, snubbed American soccer icon Landon Donovan when he revealed his final 23-man roster last week. Then Klinsmann's teenage son exacerbated the situation by posting a harshly derisive tweet about Donovan's omission soon after.
Thanks to Klinsmann's energy, Donovan's heroics in 2010 and an unusually deep pool of talent, hopes for this American World Cup squad have been high for years. Landing in a deadly group makes reaching the knockout stage one tall task, however, and Klinsmann's surprising snub of Donovan guarantees a healthy side-serving of drama and distraction.
So is Klinsmann simply a bold visionary who's not too timid to make an unpopular decision for the greater good? Or will he come to rue the day he the coldly cut the face of soccer in the USA? Time will tell, but Klinsmann has undeniably ratcheted up the stakes in Brazil â€" both for his team and for himself.
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